The Real Christian Grey Chapters 3 and 4
by Marlette Bess
Summary: Continuing story of Christian's search for his true self.


103

CHAPTER - 3

When Christian arrived at Flynn's office, Addie, his assistant with her usual happy smile, told him to go right in. Addie had worked for Dr. Flynn since he came to America and helped set up his practice. She was plump, in her mid-fifties, and had recently been widowed. Her lively brown eyes covered her sadness well. She had a no-nonsense attitude but she also was caring and kind, bringing a sense of repose to the office. She loved Christian because he always treated her with respect unlike so many of Flynn's young male patients. Many of his young patients regarded her as an irrelevant fixture because of the gray flecks in her dark hair.

"Hi, John, I did it last night. I didn't overwhelm Anastasia when she got in the SUV but, I must admit, I absolutely scolded her because she hadn't eaten since last Friday. She's now officially skinny. After we got over my outrage, things settled down. She wore the beautiful plum dress that she had on at the Heathman Hotel to negotiate the contract the first time but now it hung on her instead of hugging her curves. As our conversation deepened, she told me how many tears she had cried. I held her in my arms and kissed her hair to comfort her. When we got into the elevator taking us up to the helipad, the electricity was there between us again. I kept my cool."

"So how was it having her in Charlie Tango with you?"

"You know me, I loved having her all strapped in and watching me as I flew. It was beautiful at dusk and I pointed out things she hadn't seen when we came to Seattle the first time. My God, I think that's the happiest I have ever been in the air. Then we went to the gallery opening for José Rodriguez's Photography Show. I must admit that the boy is really talented. He did portraits of Anastasia that were breath taking. When I looked at them closely, I could see Ana so carefree and relaxed. It dawned on me that she was hardly ever like that with me. She has always been too intimidated to be really relaxed around me. I bought them all because I didn't want someone else ogling my Anastasia."

"Christian, what has happened? I can see something behind your eyes."

"I was furious at her for flirting with José. I think she realized that she has probably always been leading him on. No wonder the boy was trying to get his tongue down her throat that night at the bar. I didn't mean to admonish her but I did. We left the gallery and went to find a restaurant. I took her into the nearest alley and kissed her hard until she surrendered and kissed me back. In the moment we broke it off, we both were in heat wanting each other with passion and lust. I wanted to take her in a public alley in Portland, Oregon. What the fuck is wrong with me?"

He was smiling at John, who couldn't resist his joy or his infectious smile.

"We ate dinner but it was more of an exercise with me telling her to eat but when the food arrived she ate half her meal without complaint. On the ride home, Taylor wore his earbuds so he couldn't hear our conversation, which I was grateful for."

He drew in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I told her I wanted her without a contract - with no rules or other devices. She didn't believe me at first, but I tried to explain that I wanted her more than the lifestyle. I'm not sure she believed me."

"Christian, you know to take it slow, but the two of you fuck like rabbits and rabbits never take it slow."

Christian smiled, "John, I know, but I'm hoping we can take it slow sometimes. Anastasia climbed into my lap and kissed my neck. She wanted to touch me and asked why I didn't like to be touched. I told her about the pimp burning my skin with cigarettes when I was a boy. She was appalled. Before you tell me again about opening up myself to her – I've decided to answer her questions and stop protecting myself. She fell asleep in my lap; I mean sound asleep, like she hadn't slept in days. I started to cry into her hair. She was safe and relaxed in my arms. Her warm body felt like home. This bright young woman wants me and only me. I think I was crying for joy for the first time in my life. I struggled to get out my handkerchief, not waking her up. She was exhausted and relaxed. I woke her when we arrived at her place. She was disappointed that we weren't going back to Escala. I gave her back the laptop, BlackBerry and a new iPad that I downloaded music to. I also downloaded apps related to the British Museum and English literature. I was hoping she could use the new apps at work. She emailed me telling me how much she loved it."

"Are you as calm as you seem, Christian?"

"Oh yes, just to have her fall asleep, so relaxed and safe, gave me hope for our future. My bitter tears and painful memories aren't deeply hidden anymore. Somehow I have to reconcile the painful and joyous Christian into one."

Just then Christian's BlackBerry went off and he texted someone back as John watched. This was a first for Christian because John always insisted on no interruptions.

"Sorry, John, that was Anastasia telling me to pick her up at a bar called Fifties. This is pretty fucked-up, she taking me to a bar called Fifties. Her boss took her there for a drink. I don't trust that _cocksucker_. That's a word I don't normally use, but he gives me the creeps and has a dubious reputation with the ladies. Fuck, that's the pot calling the kettle black," He smiled. "I know he is a lecherous son-of-a-bitch and he is lusting after my Ana. Got to go, John, have a good weekend and I'll check in with you next week."

"Take care, Christian, you're still very fragile. Will I be seeing you at the ball for your parents' charity tomorrow night?"

"Yes, I would have remembered once I took my face out of Anastasia's crouch. I seem to be solely focused on Ana and nothing else."

John shook his head thinking he had not seen this Christian Grey before.

June 11, 2011, Christian called Dr. Flynn. "John, I'm glad that I caught you in. Ana is in getting her hair cut. So much has happened since last night but the main thing is Leila has gotten a concealed weapon permit. Now she can buy a handgun. Also she showed up in front of the Seattle Independent Press (SIP) last night as Anastasia came out of work. She even fucking approached Anastasia."

"Calm down, Christian, are you both alright?" with his voice was full of concern.

"Yes, but I had to tell Ana everything, something I was trying to avoid. She has moved into the penthouse until we find Leila and get her the help she needs. Oh, I didn't tell you, but I told Ana last night - I bought Seattle Independent Press (SIP). She's really pissed off at me. I didn't think it would matter but it does to my very independent woman."

"You have no boundaries, Christian. She wants to prove to you that she's a capable person in your eyes. Anastasia will always wonder if she stays at that company if her promotions are due to her own capabilities or your interference. You're dense, obtuse, and impossible! Did you have sex with her," John says with annoyance in his voice.

"Of course, we can't keep our hands or mouths or body parts off each other. I ate vanilla ice cream off her body and it still gives me a chill thinking about it. Why did you want to know if we had sex?"

"Just wondered how deep her anger went."

"Not that deep but I really fucked-up this morning when I took her to Elena's salon because she wanted her hair cut. I was just happy to do something nice for her. After leaving the salon, I thought she would run away. Elena was even in the salon and we had a private conversation; when I looked back at Anastasia, she was about ready to explode. We had our conversation out on the street. She was blistering mad. She didn't need a belt to punish me for my stupidity. Then Welch, head of my security team, called and our conversation got sidetracked. Why do I seem to sabotage things with her when they are going so well?"

"Christian, you keep shoving Ana's face into your past life. Elena is a red flag for her. One of these days one or the other is going to get gored, metaphorically speaking. I bet you allowed Elena to touch you, which Ana probably saw. You don't allow Ana to touch you but the bloody pedophile can? Do know how gut wrenching that must have been for Ana!" He yelled.

Christian was silent a few moments and said, "I never looked at it that way. I have known Elena so long and, when we are together, it seems natural, but now I see I have wounded Anastasia again. Will I ever stop being so cruel to her?"

"You are in a real-world relationship and you are bound to hurt each other. The problem with you, Christian, is you have never had to think about someone's needs and feelings before your own. It will take time. Your romance has been a whirlwind and now you add in Leila who wants to hurt you or Ana or maybe both of you. Stay safe and I'll see you tonight. You know I'm looking forward to meeting the beautiful Anastasia Steel."

"Bye John, thanks for taking my call and see you later."

Christian picked up papers and went out to the great room to work. He was feeling reassured when Ana walked in with her beautiful chestnut hair, now layered and glowing with a new shine. Franco did a beautiful job on her hair. But he also was from Elena's Esclava Salon. Ana didn't trust him and didn't talk too much thinking that what she said might get back to the pedophile herself.

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **What a fucking day

**Date: **June 12 2011 01:47

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

John, the Coping Together Charity Ball was wonderful. I don't think I have ever had so much fun in my life. Why do I feel like everything is the first time with Ana? I know it was her first time but I've been to a hundreds of similar events and yet having her there made it like the first time. Thank you for talking with me while Ana went to the restroom.

Do you really see her as sophisticated and shy? I can see the shy part and she does come across as polished but I don't think she sees herself that way.

I think we have more sex than talk but sex is a form of communication, isn't it? You were also right that we did duck out and have sex before the first dance.

How could you tell?

Now the hard part - I told you I needed to find Ana when she didn't come back to the dance floor. I found her with Elena who was looking so blonde and well put together. They were having a discussion - I think it was more of an argument. Taylor and Sawyer were watching Ana making sure she wasn't in harm's way.

How can that woman force herself upon poor Ana?

Ana walked out of the tent and then she stood there to see if I would follow her or return to the tent for Elena. Of course, I followed Ana.

She wouldn't tell me about the conversation, other than Elena said, if she hurt me again and then Elena would come after her. You're right when you told me I would have to make a choice and I'll always choose Ana.

Arriving home, Ana was dead on her feet but when we stepped into the foyer she woke up in a hurry. Taylor felt that Leila was in the apartment. I made Anastasia wait in the foyer with Sawyer and I went in to search for Leila even though I knew she might have a gun. Maybe it was stupid looking back on it but all I wanted to do was protect Ana. False alarm, thank God, but Ana's car had the tires slashed and paint thrown on it. What a mess!

My love is happily sleeping in _my_ bed.

John, I seemed to be wandering all over the place and most of the time I would be direct and to the point, but so much has happened that I am just going to continue to ramble on.

Before we went to the ball – well…I should start back with Friday night. Ana gets so frustrated that she can't touch me that she said she should have a road map of the touch and no touch zones. Saturday afternoon I had her draw the road map on my body in red lipstick. I was terrified but my hand was on hers as she drew down the left side of my chest. Then I let her do the same on the right side without my hand on hers. When she did it alone, it wasn't as painful as I thought. It was even better if I had not held my breath. The back was much easier.

I'm trying in every way to give her more and it's still hard to realize that it was only last Saturday I had flogged her and then myself. I have never lived in such pain in my life but my mind is filled with awe, relief, and confusion.

The day before yesterday for example: Found out Leila had approached Anastasia on the street out in front of SIP. Leila told Anastasia that she was _a nobody_. Ana I think was completely freaked out.

As I told you, I took her to Esclava for a haircut, I wasn't thinking. She saw Elena and then we had a meltdown on the sidewalk. For my bright Ana figured out that's where I took all my subs. Not true but I had no defense. I had to pick her up and carry her down the street because Welch called informing me Leila had been spotted on the street near us.

We made it to her apartment and I asked her move in with me really giving her no choice. I told her it was for her own protection since Kate, her roommate, was in Barbados and she was staying alone. I had to tell Ana everything about Leila since she had procured a gun permit. I made it clear it was only temporary until Leila was found but I want more from her and hope she never leaves. I drove her car back to Escala.

Don't get on my case about being over protective. I think I have the right to be.

Anastasia got a haircut by Franco from Esclava Salon in the penthouse. Ana made me lunch then the roadmap and we had sex the rest of the afternoon. How could anything top that until the masquerade ball which was perfect except for a few glitches. She looked so gorgeous with her silver satin ball gown and silver mask with the cobalt blue feathers that made her powder-blue eyes pop.

Attending the ball with all my extra security made me feel like the president of some banana republic in the middle of coup. And then you trying to outbid me for the first dance with Ana, what a stupid man; by the way, I think you should pay half of the hundred thousand dollars. On top of that my sister, Mia, was always whisking Ana someplace, preventing us from having more sex.

Ana at the ball charmed my grandparents, my parents, and half the people who were awestruck and dumbfounded that I brought a date to such a public event.

Last, but not least, Elena wrote Anastasia a note that was passed around the staff until they gave it to my security team. The note told Ana that she would be more than willing to help her out with me. But if Ana hurt me again Elena would come after her. My subs are fucking up my life.

Every day with her is so full of flirting, firsts, and feelings!

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Another fucking day

**Date: **June 12 2011 09:43

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

You aren't going to believe this one, John. Anastasia woke up around 2:15 thinking she saw something, maybe a woman in our bedroom. She told me about ten minutes later when we started to talk. So the search was on again. But this time Leila had been in the apartment for hours hanging out in her secret place, wherever the fuck that was.

Ana and I fled the scene to the Fairmont Olympic Hotel. I drove the R8 like a madman until I was sure that we weren't being followed. She is still asleep. I'm wearing her down to nothing. I should send her away to someplace safe but I need her here for my own selfish reasons. She has told me over and over that she loves me and won't leave me again but with all these fucking outside forces she may crack under the strain. What am I to do?

I would protect her with my own life! I'm taking her to the Sound today. I need to give her some peace of mind and I guess I need some myself. Why is life cramming so much into such a short time? Is it a test to see if we will crack under the pressure? My life was very orderly and controlled before she stumbled into my office. Then I fell for her and I have been living in a popcorn popper ever since. We have only been back together four days. How in the hell is that possible? Four days of constant need and fulfillment.

You were right that she wants to know about my childhood. I took her up to my room in my parents' house. She found the picture of my birth mother and I told her it was no one significant. She is like a sponge, soaking up every detail of my life. I told her I was a private person but she keeps digging like she is trying to mine for gold. I love her for her doggedness, but she has been so damn disarming.

I'm just rambling and breakfast is here. I have to go wake Sleeping Beauty. Dr. Greene is coming again to straighten out our birth control problems. Did you get the word OUR?

Thanks for reading my ramblings again.

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

In the morning after breakfast Flynn went into his home office that was darkly paneled with floor to ceiling book shelves on three walls. It was a cocoon where he could think and write without interruptions from his boyish boys. He usually lounged reading the Sunday Seattle Times but this morning he felt compelled to look at his emails. Who was he kidding? He had to see what was up with Christian. There were two emails from him. He was befuddled by how much had taken place. Leila was becoming a bigger threat to Christian as each day passed. He had misread her actions and now felt personally responsible for Christian and Anastasia's safety.

Anastasia was totally unexpected to John. He thought that maybe she had an ulterior motive that was why she was putting Christian through so much shit. But she was charmingly shy and her intellect was almost disarming. He looked forward to seeing her without a mask so he could critique her fully. John felt that Christian had met his match and she would always keep him on his toes. As for Ana being a submissive, he believed it would be a fat chance in hell of that ever happening.

As he read the first email, he knew that Christian's angst and pandemonium were very present. What could Flynn say to him to relieve his fears when he had this overwhelming fear of dread and doom hanging over him? Then there was the joyfulness of his feelings, which Flynn knew was a first for him, and then all the pain from Anastasia leaving him. Christian was right when he said it was like he was swinging on a pendulum. Anastasia must feel upside down most of the time not knowing what his mood was going to be next.

**From: **Dr. John Flynn

**Subject: **Wow!

**Date: **June 12, 2011 10:02

**To:** Christian Grey

Wow, what an exciting life you lead. I know it's not funny but I had to break the seriousness of what I'm about to say. Christian, it's hard to do an assessment on someone I've never met. Leila went through a personal tragedy of her lover being killed and you told me that she would never hurt you. That may have been true, but I'm not so sure that she won't hurt Anastasia if the opportunity presents itself. I know she has had the chance to hurt Ana before and didn't take advantage of it, but I' m not sure what she is capable of.

I know you would do anything for your love's safety and that's showing her how much you love her, but that might not protect her from harm. I'm more than a little worried that we have been unable to find Leila.

Elena that evil bitch! I know you don't want to think that she's in love with you, but she is. She has staked her claim on you and told Anastasia what she would do if Anastasia hurts you again. And you're right that your subs are really fucking with your life.

But look at the good. You introduced Anastasia to your world of wealth and beauty. She blended in seamlessly with poise and grace. No one would ever suspect that it was her first time out in high society. Watching the two of you dance as one was watching perfection. What a lucky man you are to have such a fine woman who loves and adores you.

I'm sorry you had to pay such a price for the first dance. You know I probably couldn't or wouldn't have bid any higher. But your generous donation will make a real dent in Seattle's drug addiction problem. Wasn't the dance priceless? I could always not bill you for my half of the first dance. How far do you think fifty thousand would go on your bill? Oh, I think it's funny that she thinks of me as a high priced charlatan. That's a real boost to my ego!

I have so much experience with banana republic dictators that I feel a coup coming on now. If I didn't spot any of your security detail but Taylor then I doubt anyone else did, not even your family. Have you kept them abreast of your latest circumstances?

Your second email was even more troubling. Leila needs to be caught. She seems to be escalating and will have to come out in public to attack either one of you. Please be vigilant. It's good to take Anastasia away for the day. Write anytime you like and call if you need me. Please insure that Welch informs me immediately when Leila is located so I can begin helping her.

Please be safe!

John

John headed back to the living room and sat down next to his wife Rhian. She looked at him and said, "It must be Christian. What has he done now?"

"I don't think he has done anything, I think I've not done enough. Christian and Anastasia might be in real danger. I'm trying to analyze my feelings to brace myself in case the worst happens."

"You're serious aren't you, my dear?" Rhian brushed her black hair away from her face.

"I'm deadly serious. That's as much as I can say. Sometimes I hate doctor/patient confidentiality for there are so many things I would like to say. Gather the boys; we're going to Puget Sound for the day. We'll find a nice place to have lunch and let the boys play by the water. Some days I just need to be out in the open spaces. Do you agree?"

She stood up, bent down showing her enormous cleavage, gave him a kiss, and called for the boys.

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Upset!

**Date: **June 12 2011 23:13

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

Your email is pretty upsetting to think I can't keep Ana safe. We need to talk tomorrow. When can you squeeze me in? I hate to monopolize your time, but I need help. If you can believe this, I'm sexually confused. Please email me with the time.

Christian Grey

CEO & Acting Sexually Confused, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

Christian was furious about Anastasia wanting to go to a fiction symposium in New York City with Jack Hyde, her new boss. Christian didn't give a damn if it was business or not. He couldn't tell Ana what he knew about Jack but he did continuously drop hints. Then she walked out of SIP with no protection and went to the deli, knowing full well that Leila had a gun and was mentally unstable. He had worked himself up to quite frenzy by the time he made it in the elevator and up to Dr. Flynn's office. Addie greeted him with her usual smiling respect.

"He is waiting for you, Mr. Grey. You seem to be his regular four-thirty appointment. I hope you're alright," Addie said with a look of apprehension.

"I'm fine, Addie, and I really do appreciate your concern." She smiled and went back to her computer screen.

Christian walked into Flynn's office that now was looking old and shabby. "John, you need to redecorate this place. It's looking rather long in the tooth."

"I'm glad to see you're in good spirits, or is it an act?"

"Damn, John, I can't seem to pull the wool over those dark blue eyes. I'm fucked-up as usual but yesterday was more confusing than ever. Before I get to that, you really believe Leila can be dangerous?"

"Like I told you in the email, it's hard to evaluate someone never having met them but, that being said, she is certainly following the pattern of escalation. I know you have security but a mad woman can be very taxing. Enough of Leila, we're going to focus on your sexual experience. I can't imagine the King of Sexual Satisfaction being confused."

"Yesterday was a wonderful day. While we were at the hotel, we showered together and she dried my hair with a towel. I don't remember anyone doing that for me. She also dried my chest with her hand over mine guiding the towel. This was a new experience for me as well. It took my breath away…if I would have remembered to breathe; it would have made things go better. Then my beautiful Anastasia asked me to make love to her. How in the fuck was I supposed to do that when I have never done that before? She climbed on the bed naked and I followed. If you don't want me to tell you the details, then I won't."

"Christian, it's obvious that you need to tell this so I can help you. You're making real progress," he muttered reassuringly.

Christian's gray eyes almost looked in pain as he struggled in his own mind about how to let the words flow. "My mind was racing from her words, "make love to me." I kissed her full lips still trying to figure out what she meant. Then your words popped into my head playing Anastasia like an instrument. Great analogy! What do you do when you play an instrument? It's all about touch. Once my lips left hers, I started to kiss her skin. I turned her over and kissed her back first, even her toes, feet, ankles and calves. I did all the touching with my lips and tongue. It was slow and erotic but I never went near her private area. She giggled as I was kissing her butt, and she told me I was giving her butterfly kisses."

He let out a big sigh, "When she was good and relaxed, I turned her over. She was getting very turned on. I wouldn't let her touch me, kiss me, or talk to me. My mind was only trying to concentrate on each square inch of her body. Then little droplets of sweat started to appear on her breasts. I knew she was close and I kissed around each breast that now had her nipples hard and erect. I kissed her navel with butterfly kisses and, when I knew she could not stand it one second longer, I placed my right hand on her pubic hair and watched her orgasm. I kissed her lips and lay next to her on my stomach with my lips at her shoulder."

"What is strange to me, John, is all my subs were hairless. I think Ana is the only woman I've had sex with who has pubic hair. How strange is that?" He looked quizzical.

"If that was not making love to her, then nothing you will ever do will be making love to her. I think there's more. You didn't have an orgasm?"

"Yes, but I still can't believe what she did to me."

John stood up and got them both water. Christian took his time; he knew he wanted to take it slow because he could still feel her on him.

"She straddled me while I was lying on my stomach. When she came down, her feet were under my shoulders and her wet spot came down between my shoulder blades. What a different sensation! In this position, I could not protest that she was touching my back. She started nibbling my butt and then gave me butterfly kisses. The entire time my penis was growing into the mattress. She stretched out and I could feel her hard nipples touching my legs, another new sensation. Then she massaged my feet. I must admit that I really liked the touching. As she moved up and down my back, I would get a brief whiff of her scent as she worked me over. Her smell is the best perfume."

He stopped speaking, drinking the rest of his water. His eyes were closed as if he could still smell her, John wrote in his notebook.

"She jumped off me and turned me over. She kissed my lips hard until I opened up my mouth to her. I wanted to touch her, but I didn't allow her, so the only thing that was moving on me was my penis that was begging for her to jump on and ride me to paradise. Finally, she slid on the condom and straddled me, facing toward my feet instead of my face. I was surprised. I filled her up with every inch of my penis. Then she learned forward…the first time she did, I thought she would break it in two. But slowly she would go up and down. I could tell she was getting turned on as she increased her rhythm. Looking at her sliding up and down with my penis exposed was an ever increasing turn-on. I finally put my hands on her hips to steady her. She waited as long as she could then she turned her head to me and smiled as we both came. Then she fell backwards on my chest."

He stopped talking. John was rather glad that he did, at that moment he was embarrassed because he had gotten turned on. This was a very uncomfortable first!

"Christian, you know that you both made love to each other. Why would you be confused about that? I must admit you do have the most interesting sex life." He smiled.

Christian blushed. It was the first time John had ever seen that.

"You better continue with your story so I can get home before my wife puts the kids to bed."

Christian smiled his 1000-megawatt smile. "The rest of the day…um…I bought her a new car to replace the one Leila trashed. It was not an Audi, but a Saab. I realized that, when I bought her the Audi, I was giving her a _submissive special_ instead of a graduation present."

John interrupted, "Very colorful, submissive special!"

"You can thank Ana for that one, she named it. Back to our day, we went to the marina and took out The Grace. I never asked if she had been on a sailboat. I knew she had never been on a fifty-two-foot catamaran. She steered the boat while Mac, my sailing mate, and I put up the sails. She is wonderful at following my instructions. Later, after sailing, we moored and sent Mac to shore and we made sweet love again. I like making sweet sex with her. She looked so young, so beautiful with her hair in the wind and her skin with color in her cheeks. This time it was not from blushing."

"She started up again at dinner saying that she was not enough for me and she couldn't satisfy all my prurient sexual needs. I told her that she fulfills every need in me but she isn't convinced. Later we shot pool. I was surprised when she challenged me to a game if she won we would go to the playroom. I'm not ready to go into playroom because my wounds are too fresh. And if I won, it was my choice. I let her think she could win, but I wasn't going to lose. Maybe it was a male thing or maybe it was fear. Well, anyway, I won. I spanked her with a plastic ruler as she splayed across the pool table with her feet planted on the floor. She finally told me to stop. No safe word, only stop. I can forget what I'm doing and get carried away. We had sex hard and fast but I felt bad that I did that to her. Do you see why I'm confused?"

"Christian, did she seem hurt or injured in any way after you spanked her?"

"No, we bathed together and then I rubbed her lovely ass with lotion just to make her feel more comfortable."

"There were no tears or bitter looks?"

"No, she smiled at me like a naughty girl."

"Then, in my expert opinion, I believe she liked it. You have to trust her that she will tell you when to stop, and never do it in anger, even if she begs. Your sex life is more complicated than most. You now know that you can make love to her sweetly and gently and you can also give her a little pain and keep her happy. She wants both kinds of sex and my advice is to give her whatever she wants when you're not angry. The key is, Christian, you like the rough stuff and so does she - within limits. Know her limits. Does that help at all?"

"Yes, I just hope I can put your words into actions. However, I still have this underlying fear that she will leave. I'm going to change the subject from sex to Elena. Well, maybe that is the same subject. I told you about the masquerade ball and Elena talking with Anastasia. Today Elena sent Ana an email to her work indicating that she wants to have lunch. Anastasia, I think, was a little frightened that two of my exes are stalking her. She sent me the email. Now Ana has three stalkers, Leila, Elena and her damn boss, Jack Hyde. Jack wanted to take her to New York, but that _cocksucker_ has a very bad rep!"

"Anastasia told me I was suffocating her when I put my foot down and told her that she could not go on the business trip. When that didn't work, I called SIP, and they put a hold on travel that wasn't booked before last Friday. I think I sound like a stalker? I couldn't have her running off to New York with that _cocksucker_."

"Do you understand why she would say you are suffocating her?"

"Yes, I just want to protect her."

"Christian, she is not a five-year old. She needs to fail sometimes to be able to grow. You don't want her in a gilded cage just so only you can look at her." Christian smiled a salacious smile.

"Just one more thing, John, and I'll let you go home to your beautiful wife. I asked Ana to move in with me." Christian grinned

John stood up over Christian and yelled, "You can't give this girl one moment's peace. First, you're fucking smothering her and next you want the ultimate control by having her move in with you." He screamed. "What's next, marriage?"

Christian gave him a sly smile. John just sat down shaking his head for all the yelling and screaming in the world was not going to get through to Christian.

He finally said, "We know she loves you and probably being around you makes her happy, but you do have issues of protection and control. And let's not forget all the stalkers, and Lord knows what else is rattling around in that brain of yours. I love you like a brother but sometimes I think beating the shit out of you would be the only thing that would really work. Come and see me any day at 4:30 because you need the help. Sorry about getting pissed off at you but you're maddening."

Christian stood up and gave him a very uncharacteristic back slap. "I'm sure the fuck glad you are my psychiatrist instead of my brother." He gave John a wink and left feeling better. John just shook his head and hoped that his brilliant patient could control himself enough not to push poor Anastasia too hard.

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Elena

**Date: **June 13 2011 22:41

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

I have been looking everywhere for Anastasia. She has probably fallen asleep in the library. I'm not worried, you are right I need to give her space. And since all the locks have been changed, the penthouse seems safer.

We had a great time at dinner eating Gail's amazing food and we had been working on our problems until Elena showed up with blonde halo and her tight black skinny jeans. She still thinks Anastasia is my sub and wouldn't be here on a Monday night. Anastasia had agreed to move in so no matter when Elena shows up next Ana will be here. Elena had a problem and wanted me to help her out. I offered only minimal help. Anastasia eavesdropped on our conversation to ensure that I had no feelings for Elena. You were right; Elena has real feelings for me. Ana asked many questions about my past relationship with her.

You would be proud that after Ana told me that I was trying to stifle her and she wanted to tame me, I told Ana that I was honestly and deeply in love with her.

Feeling good and I need to go find my dream girl. As always thank you for your support.

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

CHAPTER - 4

Christian sat in the ambulance with Leila now on a stretcher. Dr. Flynn finally spoke. "Look, you're going to tell me sooner or later what happened up in Anastasia's apartment. You better tell me now while it's fresh in your mind."

"Should we speak in front to Leila?"

"I gave her a sedative and she is sleeping peacefully."

"John, I've never been so mortified in my life. Anastasia went up to get her friend, Ethan, who is staying at her apartment. We were all going to dinner together. She went up and didn't come down. Then I spotted Ethan trying to get into the lobby. We had searched high and low but never found Leila. At that moment, my heart sank. I pushed Ethan out of the way knowing Leila was up there with Ana. Taylor and I bounded up the stairs, taking three at a time. I froze as I entered to see Leila holding a gun on Ana. The apartment was checked just a few hours before."

Christian took out his handkerchief and blew his nose, wiping away tears. "My mind was racing about what to do and then like a light bulb went on, I remembered she had been my submissive for a year. I mouthed the word D-O-W-N. She fell to her knees, the gun skipped across the hardwood floor and she assumed the position. I hated Ana to see that now she knows what kind of fiend lives inside me. I picked up the gun. Anastasia was frozen in place. I begged her to leave and after several requests, Taylor picked her up and carried her downstairs to Ethan who took her home."

"Christian, do you now understand what you wanted Anastasia to be and how she could never become a submissive, a Leila, or any of the others?"

"Yes I understand but emotionally I never understood the steep price they paid for being my submissives; letting me do that shit to them. How could I be so cruel and so unfeeling?"

"It's all you knew how to be. What did you do to Leila after Ana left and before I arrived?"

"She was so filthy that I gave her a bath, thinking it would keep her calm until you came."

"How did that feel?"

"It was one of the most awkward things I have ever done. Removing her clothes and seeing her skin and bones and remembering how lovely she was. She was always so fun loving. I didn't want to touch her and I had to keep thinking of her as a child in order to touch her with a sponge. My God, I hated myself in that moment. What had I done to her and all the other women? I'm really a fucked-up son-of-a-bitch."

"Christian, you really helped her by keeping her calm and getting her clean. Just think of how hard it would be to bathe her once she had been admitted. Christian, for the first time, you see the harm you did to others and the harm that Elena did to you. You would not have gotten to this point unless you had fallen in love with Anastasia. How do you think Anastasia is going to deal with this?"

"I think she will be hurt and angry. I'll have no defense when she hurls her venom on me. First, she had to deal with the Elena's assault last night and now this. This time she may run all the way back to Savannah."

"Give her more credit than that. She will not leave you. She is too much in love with you. Tell her only the truth of what happened. Somewhere in her brain, with all that anger, she will see you had real compassion for Leila. Compassion is what she is looking for in you."

Christian sat thinking for the remainder of the ride to the psychiatric hospital in Fremont. He tried calling Ana but no answer. He checked Leila into the hospital and made sure they knew he was responsible for her medical bills. On the way back to the penthouse, he was sober, somber, and brooding about his fucked-up life.

The next day at precisely a quarter to five in the afternoon, Christian entered John's office went to one of the couches and flopped down. John was surprised to see him.

John moved from his desk and sat in one of the wingback chairs. "I thought I had an appointment with you and Anastasia tomorrow night, what happened? I know it's not Leila for she is locked up but something bad has happened."

Christian was rubbing his straight nose, almost in a trance.

"Last night when I got home Anastasia was not there. Taylor had not seen her since he took her out of her apartment. My heart was in my throat as I sent him out to find her. My biggest fear was she had left me. I didn't go into the bedroom to see if her things were gone. I was too frightened. She had not taken her purse and there was no way to communicate with her. I was beyond upset when she walked in the door. I tried to go near her and she backed up. I realized that she had been out drinking. I knew in that moment that she was leaving me and running out the door. My heart had already shattered but I tried to keep it together. When she asked about Leila, I told her the truth that she was in a psychiatric hospital. I was begging her not to run out on me. All the words I spoke about Leila, I think, only added to her fear. I told her the truth."

He rubbed his finger through his hair and said, "The more we talked, the more fear built up in my mind until something snapped. I went to the floor and assumed the position of the submissive; just like I had done a hundred times before. I don't know if it was seeing Leila or if that was the position where I did not have to think. I knew she was talking to me and she finally kneeled across from me on the hardwood floor. Hard on the knees! She asked me to tell her the secret that I was carrying around and she promised she would not leave me. My heart was beating out of my chest as I told her I was a SADIST who liked to whip brown-haired girls like my crack-whore birth mother."

Christian drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"In my fucked-up mind, all I could think to do was to keep her there on the floor with me and to let her touch me. By this time, she was pretty much fucking freaking out. I begged her to touch me. I placed her hand on my chest above my heart with my hand on top. She soon took off my shirt and was touching me slowly and softly. The pain was more than I could bear. She stopped when she saw how much pain I was in but it was not painful."

John said, "I'm getting us some water, but you'll continue to talk," he commanded.

Christian nodded his head. John's hands were shaking as he opened the fridge. His hand was under control by the time he handed Christian a bottle of water. He drank the bottle like a thirsty animal. John waited as Christian sat there with both hands in his copper hair, and then he lay down again. Tears were streaming down his face he struggled to retrieve his handkerchief from his rear pocket.

"For the first time, I realized that she was touching me and the pain was in my head not in her hands. But my fucked-up psyche would not take it. Then she told me again that we couldn't make it because she could not give me everything I need. I remember her using the word incompatible. I told her, after I beat her with a belt that Saturday morning and she left, that I could never beat her again; when she left, something fundamentally changed in me. She told me _people don't change like that_. I was desperate to keep her near me. I countered her endless questions with answers. Then she told me she was exhausted, I tried to get her to eat, but she became more frustrated and left. I found her later in the bathroom where she was crying her heart out. What wasn't broken in me before smashed on the bathroom floor! She did not want me to touch her but my pain was too great. I grabbed her, holding her while she protested until her chest stopped heaving. I got her into bed and smothered her in my arms with love.

Christian got another bottle of water and sat down.

"My God, Christian, why would you tell her something that was so blatantly untrue? You know you're not a sadist. We have been over this a hundred times. I think the reason you always picked brunettes is that they weren't like Elena. It had nothing to do with your birth mother. I think the pain of your childhood sometimes gets confused with your adolescent pain. I was also afraid that Anastasia did leave you but once again she ended up in your bed that she probably thinks is her bed now. Tell me the rest."

Addie knocked on the door and told Dr. Flynn that she was leaving. Both men said good night.

Christian continued, "In the middle of night - before I go there - I asked Anastasia to marry me. And before you scold me, she laughed her head off and then she told me she would think about it. I know how inappropriate it was to ask but I couldn't think of another way to keep her near me. She also told me it was a poor proposal."

John was shaking his head, thinking of the image of Anastasia laughing at Christian over the absurdity of the situation.

"Anyway, back to the middle of night, she had gotten out of bed for a drink. I think she was suffering from a hangover. I had a full blown nightmare that she woke me out of. It was all about her leaving me, not about the past. My tee-shirt was completely soaked. Then I needed her. We made love; no, that's not realistic when I'm in that state all I want to do is fuck her and take possession of what is mine. I know that is a very immature way to think about sex, but in that moment, it was like, if I didn't have her, my heart would stop beating."

He looked at his Omega watch and said, "John, it's six, and I need to pick up Anastasia. I hate to dump this on you, but I need to go."

"Just one quick question; what do you think she is going to say?"

"My God, I hope she says yes or I will need to move into your office." He smiled as Christian left.

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **That _cocksucker_!

**Date: **June 15 2011 22:41

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

I now keep my laptop in the bedroom so, if I wake up, I can work while Ana sleeps. We just had great sex with a spreader bar. If you are interested, I will tell you sometime.

Jack Hyde made a pass at Ana at work and she kicked him in the balls. She was pretty shook up when she staggered out of SIP and fell into my arms. Taylor ran in to find the S-O-B who was still on the floor from Ana's powerful blow. I think Taylor might have gotten a few licks in for good measure. Jack Hyde is gone and will never bother Ana again. There are benefits to becoming a new owner.

Ana was calm once we got her home. I found her after dinner in the playroom looking at the drawers. She asked questions about items and I explained what they were for. That's how we ended up with the spreader bar. Her choice. I just love watching that woman come.

I must admit all of my instincts about Jack Hyde were right. My radar must be working again. See you tomorrow night.

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Thank you

**Date: **June 17 2011 06:20

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

Thank you for our session last night. I think she's still processing what you told her. She just told me you told her to give me the benefit of the doubt. Anastasia got hung up on a few of your medical terms but other than that seemed to take whatever you said in stride.

I know she doesn't think she fulfills my needs but last night I showed her how much she means to me. I took her to see a house overlooking Puget Sound that recently came on the market. We arrived at sunset and the views were spectacular, with clean-colored sky and the meadow awash in wildflowers.

I want to tear it down and build us a new house. She surprises me at every turn and likes the old charm the current house possesses. I like sleek and somewhat sterile, the ultra-modern look. I guess it's time for me to add a little charm to my life.

Of course, I want her to say yes to my proposal and make it our family home. I'm beginning to think Escala has too many bad memories for us, especially from other women. I want a home that is only filled with our memories.

John, how is it I can feel like this?

With my subs, when the weekend was over I did not miss them. Come to think about it, I did not even miss the sex. With Ana, I want sex all the time. It seems like every day it happens at least twice, maybe three times.

Sleeping with her has helped me sleep but the morning sex is something I've never had because the subs had their own bedroom and I had my privacy. But, with Ana, I wake up with a hard-on and she is so willing and so eager to have me. She wants me as much and as often as I want her.

How is that possible?

I know that sex is not that important to others but looking at her in full orgasm feeds my soul.

By the way, I think I have developed a heart. Did you know that?

I still need to see you and talk, but not this afternoon because I'm flying Charlie Tango down to Portland.

Oh, you're not going to believe this one. The guy who was groping Ana the night I took her back to the Heathman Hotel in her drunken stupor is coming to deliver the photographs I bought at his showing. José is delivering them and taking Ana out for drinks, I will join them for dinner. I may be growing up after all.

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

**From: **Dr. John Flynn

**Subject: **Progress

**Date: **June 17 2011 08:35

**To:** Christian Grey

Everything in your email was positive and upbeat. Anastasia is beautiful. I know her pale powder-blue eyes were hypnotizing as she peered out from behind her mask at the charity ball. She is shy and awkward at times but that is her charm. She is also shrewd and uses her face flushing as a way of disarming people. You have met your match with her for she is probably as brilliant as you are; only she has been loved by others for years.

Christian, please be delicate with her ego. She is young and somewhere in her mind she doesn't feel she is worthy of you and that she is not pretty enough for such a beautiful boy.

I know this is a novel concept for you but each one of us has our own insecurities. I know you have been able to use your beauty to keep people at arm's length so they will not delve deeper into your psyche.

Anastasia has never given herself away as much as she has given to you. Please, I beg, be gentle.

So I take it also from the email that you want the whole enchilada home, wife, and kids. After all why shouldn't you be thinking about all that? You'll soon be twenty-eight. I warn you once again, don't push her.

The poor girl has barely had time to think since she met you. She even brought that up in our session.

Oh, Christian, I know you and your brave front about allowing Ana to see an old friend is very generous. But may I note that you probably wrote that with white knuckles and a clenched jaw.

She picked you over the photographer or any other man to surrender her virginity to. You are worried he will make a move on her. Didn't she just dispatch Jack Hyde with a swift kick to the groin?

Ana is very capable of taking care of herself. She will never let another man touch her when she has you.

See you next week at the usual time. It is now permanently reserved for you.

John

Frantically, desperately waning to find Christian, Anastasia went into Christian's office and was looking for Dr. Flynn's phone number when Taylor came in. "Miss Steel, can I help you find something?"

"I want to find Dr. Flynn's phone number."

"I already called him."

"Could you dial the number on my phone? I need to talk to him."

Taylor took pity on poor Anastasia, dialed the number and then handed her the phone.

"Hello, Dr. Flynn here."

"This is Anastasia Steel. I can't feel him! Is Christian dead from the helicopter crash?"

With that, Taylor left the study because watching Ana's tears fall was heartbreaking. If it was true that Christian was dead, his heart would be broken too.

"Anastasia, I'm terribly worried myself but it has not been that long. You and I both know that Christian is a survivor and is very quick witted. I can't ease your mind. But please answer me one question."

"Sure, it might clear my head."

"Are you going to marry him?"

Ana started to laugh, "I thought it would be some serious question that delves into my psyche, but the answer is yes. Christian already has the answer and he doesn't even know it. I gave him a box containing my answer. Oh My God! What if he never reads how much I love him? What if he never knows that my life would be meaningless without him?"

She broke down and cried.

John said, "Ana, he knows how much you love him. He tells me on the phone, in my office, and all over his emails. I know he is alive and can feel him with me now. You are new to him. He is thinking of you now but trying to block you from the pain."

"Thank you, Dr. Flynn. I will not give up hope."

She cried a long time in Christian's office until she could gather her wits and dry her face. Anastasia had to face his family because they were waiting for news of the crash.

Saturday afternoon Christian called John who answered on the first ring.

"Flynn here," his tone was short.

"Hi John, Grey here, just wanted to tell you that I'm alive and looking forward to Monday afternoon."

"Hi, Christian, I'm having a shitty day and was very relieved that Taylor called and told me you were back. I want you to know that Anastasia called, completely devastated. I tried my best to calm her down and reassure her that you were coming home."

"She has agreed to marry me. I had my answer the whole time, it was in my suit coat breast pocket. She handed it to me as a present before we went into your office."

"Congratulations to you both and see you tonight at your birthday party. Your sister can really be pushy. It must run in the family. Bye, Christian."

Somehow Christian expected more feelings from Flynn. After all he had been in a helicopter crash, but relaxed when he realized that John was having a shitty day. He certainly knew what shitty days were all about.

As Christian sat at his desk on that Saturday afternoon after the Charlie Tango incident; he contemplated his twenty-eighth birthday and what had happened last night when he arrived to find the penthouse full of people. He certainly wasn't used to having people concerned about his wellbeing. He had never seen his mother so emotional, she clung to him and wouldn't release him from her hug. His mother had always been rock solid and she was the last one he would have thought to have fallen apart. It was almost unbearable. Carrick, his father, asked questions with his inquisitive mind and wanted to know all about the crash. Christian was desperately trying to hide the fact it was a near miss. Elliot tried to play down the crash because he knew that if he lost Christian because he himself would be lost. Once Christian came in the door Mia just felt relief that he was home safe and sound. Even his antagonist, Kate, was worried if only for Anastasia's sake, of course.

Christian had tried to be as nonchalant as possible about the crash but he knew something went terribly wrong with the helicopter and it didn't go down on its own. It had redundant systems to avoid such crashes. He had tried not to show fear when they were going down so Ros wouldn't know how extremely terrified he was. Ros, his operations manager, was a trooper after the crash when they had to walk four hours (her in heels) away from Mt. St. Helens to the I-5. Both Ros and Christian's cell phones were dead after repeatedly attempting to contact someone after the crash. A truck driver, who himself had no cell phone, picked them up and drove them back to Seattle. Christian's thoughts were of Anastasia, his happily ever after.

He thought Anastasia was so young, yet she loved him. How was that possible? No one except his family had ever loved him. He could hear her in the kitchen baking his birthday cake and wanted nothing more than to run to her and kiss her. They had even had sex even in the playroom earlier that morning for his birthday, but his need to consume her was still looming large in his mind. He turned his attention to work and left the idea of the crash alone. He would know soon enough if his thinking was right and someone had sabotaged Charlie Tango.


End file.
